Rock n Roll

I just heard an ad on the radio for the latest Bon Jovi album, and I'm afraid I despair at what I heard. Now don't don't get me wrong, I'm not a closet Bon Jovi fan, but I can at least acknowledge that they were a 'rock' band in the true sense of the word. In the good old days rock bands were all about massive stadium gigs, drumstick twirling, a bit of leather, and maybe a few drugs thrown in here and there (ok, in the case of Bon Jovi maybe nothing much stronger than a bit of Night Nurse, but you get the picture).

Now I know that rock bands have changed in many ways, but my biggest issue is that the rock bands of old all seem to go one way. Soft.

One of my all time favourite bands is Queen, who started off in the 70s as a pretty far out rock band (on the verge of glam), and pushing the boundaries of taste and decency. Not that you'd know it from listening to their post 1986 releases - all soft pop, and many,many ballads.

The worst offender I know of has to be Cliff Richard. I jest not. I have an album called Rock n Roll Juvenile from the 60s, where he absolutely kicks arse. A bit of Jesus thrown in there, and a couple of slower tracks, but generally a great album nonetheless. Look at him now, and he's no better than Val Doonican on valium.

And then there's the issue of age. The Who singing about My Generation at the age of 60 odd is an irony missed on many people. Particularly those not even born when that track was released. And then the old favourites - the Rolling Stones. All the journos say they are better then ever - well in that case the sixties must have been more drug-fuelled than I originally thought. They are ok, but I can't help thinking we'd be better off if Jagger had been shot along with Lennon, just so the other Stones could get on with their lives with a bit of dignity.

Sad rocker has-beens - take a leaf out of Alex James's book. Retire young, buy a farm and make cheese. Everyone will remember the good old days instead of the tired old men.

TV nonsense

What happened to those little white dots in the top right hand corner of your TV screen just before a commercial break. I don't think I've seen them for years, or do they just appear on terrestrial TV now?

Something that made me chuckle the other day is watching a TV ad for a Sony Bravia TV - showing the superior colour and picture clarity I'll get if I nip down to Dixons and spend a thousand quid. Of course, the picture clarity and colour I was seeing was only as good as my current TV (duh), but I guess some people must fall for it.

They must be the same people who fall for the somewhat vague claim that the latest skin cream will "help reduce the appearance of fine lines". In the same way that politicians 'help' 'reduce' the 'appearance' of being utterly useless. You have to ask yourself why ads don't say "This cream will make you younger - fact." Because they can't, that's why.

Only The Good Die Young

You 've seen the articles on the news or in the local paper. A tragic accident involving a much loved friend, the sudden death of a work colleague who was hard working and widely respected by his peers, the demise of a local man who did loads of work for charity.

It seems that everyone who dies was ultimately a high achiever or a generally nice person for one reason or another. Loved by friends and family, a good student, captain of the football team, adopted an orphan, built a hospital, swam the channel, saved Lois Lane from an earthquake - you get the picture.

Once, just once, I'd like to see an article in the Watford Observer about some guy popping his clogs and no-one giving a toss. 'John Smith died today in a bizarre wallpapering accident at his home in West Watford. An ambulance crew tried to revive him, but the sheer volume of wallpaper paste clogging his airway proved too repulsive. "In any case,"one paramedic said, "I didn't make that much of an effort as he was well known for being a cantankerous bastard who everyone despised, so I'm glad to see the back of him".

Mr Smith's wife added that he "....never did a day's work in his whole life, couldn't give a monkeys about anyone but himself, and soiled himself regularly. I hope he rots in hell."

Neighbours refused to comment. Except one, who shouted obscenities at his corpse from a first floor window.'

But it never happens like that does it? Do we have that much respect for the dead that we are incapable of saying anything bad about them, despite being complete bastards all their lives, or do bad people never die?

The weird thing is, despite being a complete cynic, I have personally never known anyone to die who I didn't actually like or who hadn't achieved something remarkable with their life, and I certainly don't know anyone I would wish death upon. Either I'm seeing that little bit of good in everyone, or I'm reading the wrong papers.