After a telling a lame gag or giving someone bad news, you might hear the expression "Well, that went down like a lead balloon", i.e. not very well. But surely a lead balloon, due to its weight, would go down better than most things, i.e. well.
It should be said after a nice meal or hearing the best gag of all time. But it isn't, and I'm confused as to why that is.
Thursday, 20 March 2008
Friday, 7 March 2008
Big fat book
I was in a shop the other day and I noticed a bored teenager trailing round after his parents, holding this soft-back book. As I only caught a fleeting glance of it, I thought it was titled 'Lard Lass'.
Much better than the actual title I think you'll agree.
Thursday, 6 March 2008
And the world goes round
Revolving doors. I have little enough time on this planet as it is - the last thing I want to be doing is pushing these things around, in and out of every building.
The manual ones are bad enough, but there's one at IKEA which is automatic. It allows about 20 people in each section, but stops when it catches up with the people, meaning we all have to shuffle along like sheep until it deems us well behaved enough to let us out.
Some chap recently had the idea that he could power all the lights in the reception area of his office building using the power generated from us revolving-door-pushers. At least that would provide some use for the bloody things.
The manual ones are bad enough, but there's one at IKEA which is automatic. It allows about 20 people in each section, but stops when it catches up with the people, meaning we all have to shuffle along like sheep until it deems us well behaved enough to let us out.
Some chap recently had the idea that he could power all the lights in the reception area of his office building using the power generated from us revolving-door-pushers. At least that would provide some use for the bloody things.
A wee bit of etiquette
There's rules that men should follow in the gents' room, and not everyone adheres to them.
1. Assuming there are three urinals, and I am at the end one - you will not stand at the middle one.
2. Similarly, even if there is no-one in the gents', you will not use the middle urinal - this forces me to stand beside you when I come in.
3. The middle urinal is only to be used if the outer urinals are already in use.
4. You will not engage in any chit chat more than a cursory "Alright?" - even just a nod of the head is enough. Talking may commence only if both gentlemen are at the handwashing stage.
5. Especially as I'm just entering one of the traps - I don't want to stand on the threshold forcing a conversation about what you're doing at the weekend. Save that for your hairdresser.
6. Flush anything which needs flushing.
That's all for now.
1. Assuming there are three urinals, and I am at the end one - you will not stand at the middle one.
2. Similarly, even if there is no-one in the gents', you will not use the middle urinal - this forces me to stand beside you when I come in.
3. The middle urinal is only to be used if the outer urinals are already in use.
4. You will not engage in any chit chat more than a cursory "Alright?" - even just a nod of the head is enough. Talking may commence only if both gentlemen are at the handwashing stage.
5. Especially as I'm just entering one of the traps - I don't want to stand on the threshold forcing a conversation about what you're doing at the weekend. Save that for your hairdresser.
6. Flush anything which needs flushing.
That's all for now.
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