Before you panic - don't. I live a very contented life, and suicide is the very last thing on my mind. It took me a hell of an effort to overcome my natural survival instinct and leap off a 50m platform witha bungy cord attached to my legs, so it's not something I have in my 5 year plan. I don't even have a 5 year plan actually.
What is weird though, is that very occasionally I get the urge. On the motorway, I am all too aware that a quick flick of the wheel could drive me head on into a concrete pillar - and a tiny part of me for a tiny fraction of a second wants to 'give it a go'. The same part of me that wants to take a running dive off a cliff, pull open the emergency door on the plane, jump in front of a train or see what it's like to plummet to earth from the top of a multi storey car park.
It's nothing to do with topping yourself, just something about the rush of adrenaline you'd get as the train slams into your head, or as the ground approaches at a hundred miles an hour. A mate of mine gets it too - are we weird or is this fairly common?
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Me too, Ed, me too. Saw some stand-up comedian supporting Gervais the other day who said similar things. He gets the urge to push people onto the tube line - but he doesn't do it. He asked if he was the only one and clearly he was not.
Also, I used to live with Ivan at University who expressed a long-suppressed desire to poke a cow with a dinner fork just to see what its reaction would be.
I have always wanted to drive around a roundabout the wrong way.
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