The Bank

Ok, just popped out to the cashpoint. I didn't put on a coat - it's freezing out there, but I didn't think I'd be too long, as it's just outside the office door, and there's normally only a couple of people in the queue. But I forgot my worst enemy -the non-believer.

The non-believer has just taken out £20 in cash, but doesn't quite believe it. So she has to get a little receipt out of the cashpoint to prove it. Even then she's astounded at the apparent complexity of what's happened, and stares at the piece of paper for an eternity before moving on. I'm surprised she doesn't ring the bank to confirm it, or ask for signed witness statements from the rest of us in the queue just to prove that she actually did just take out £20 - no more, no less.

So the result of her actions, and my incredible lack of short-term patience, is that I am in the cold for another 30 seconds cursing at her to hurry along.

The process she goes through, of course, stems from a mistrust of technology. But it's the same machine giving you the receipt as the one that just gave you the money! So you don't trust it one minute, and 30 seconds after producing a bit of paper as some sort of evidence it's completely reliable?

My dad suffers the same affliction with technology - although at 70 odd, he's perfectly entitled to. He firmly believes that if 'computers' didn't exist, he could call up British Gas, and some kindly lady would pick up within three rings, walk to the other end of the office and fetch his 'file'. He sent a letter once and actually asked a lady at one of these massive call centres if she had his letter in front of him. Never mind that the call centre was probably in India, and his letter had been preserved electronically and subsequently incinerated.

I try to explain to him that most mistakes - miss-spelling of his name, an incorrect bill - are actually human error, and that 'computers' actually make 99% of our life more efficient and bearable. But of course it falls on deaf ears (that's another story altogether - he's hard of hearing, and can't hear women with Scottish accents on the phone).

Anyway, I digress. We all know that banks are crooked, but it's a relatively safe place for your money. If you don't trust cashpoints, don't use them. Keep your money stuffed under a mattress and see what happens when the mice get in or the place goes up in smoke. That way I won't have to mutter obscenities at you in the queue.