Terms and Conditions Apply

I listen to a fair bit of commercial radio - I think I'm too old to listen to ragga house on Radio 1, and I'm not quite ready to give up on new music altogether and listen to comedy on Radio 4 (although I very much look forward to this day in a funny sort of way).

So I listen to Virgin Radio, which seems to tick most of the boxes on my requirements list. However, as with any commercial radio station, you are bombarded with ads every 5 mins. Now, working in advertising myself, I can understand the need for this - I get to listen to good tunes and reasonable DJs for free. Nice.

Except it's gone too far. To make sure the message gets across, the same advertisements are repeated relentlessly until you can recite them all word for word. Even worse than this is that approximately 15 seconds of every 30 second advert tells me that 'terms and conditions apply, the offer is only available to residents of the UK, and your home is at risk if you do not keep up repayments on a mortgage or other loan secured on it'. Can't we just all assume that this is the case for every advert? It would save us all a lot of time and repetition. I nearly gave myself RSI just typing it out.

That was going to be my point, but radio advertising has reached new lows. My friendly DJ was the other day doing a little fill about his favourite films from the 80s, and even getting people to text in with theirs. Pretty lame, but a nice trip down memory lane nonetheless, and I was sucked in. He then started telling us about how films these days just aren't up to scratch for the most part, except the one he got out last night on DVD which was absolutely brilliant - Ratatouille or something. Oooh, I thought, that sounds good, must get that out.

Now bear in mind that this whole charade had been going on for about 20 mins, and I had formed some sort of trust in this guy's opinion. Then, and only then, does he come out with the clanger. That they just happen to be doing a promotion for this DVD, and the bond of trust was nothing but a scam. I felt violated. I thought we were friends. But no, I'm just another monkey punter. So now when they tell me their funny stories, I'm always waiting for the advertorial - it's always there.

Finally, I have to tell you about Magners Cider, who have really outdone themselves. For this Bank Holiday, they have bought up every single advertising slot on Virgin Radio, and are not playing any of the ads. This means we all get to listen to more music right? Well, you'd think so, wouldn't you? But what we get now is a non-commercial from Magners telling us that the Bank Holiday is commercial free. Genius. Here's a punch in the face to show you I'm not going to punch you in the face.