Tatty Tats

I used to work as a lifeguard in several swimming pools, and I'd recommend it to everyone thinking of having a visible tattoo. Firstly, you get to see how many people have the same tattoos, and therefore invalidating the quest for being 'different'. Secondly you get to see what they look like after 10 years or so. Not pretty I'm afraid.

The way I see tattoos are like scars you pay for, which is fine as long as you are sure you're going to feel the same about having Mickey Mouse on your arse in 10 years time as you do now. I have a few scars myself, just a few visible marks on my arms. The difference is that I got these through medical trials and got paid thousands of pounds to take ketamine. Result.

Don't get me wrong - some tattoos look great, they really do. But these would be my rules if any of my kids wanted one:

1) Don't get anything on your face/neck/hands. That job as a lawyer/newsreader/model won't be quite as easy to land.
2) Don't get something 'of the moment'. While Spongebob Squarepants may be fairly popular now, your grandchildren will wonder what that faded yellow stain is when you're in your sixties.
3) Don't get your boyfriend's name done on your lower back because a) he doesn't want to look at his own name while he's on the job, and b) neither does your next boyfriend
4) Be realistic. If you haven't got a great figure, a tat isn't going to change that.
5) Be careful with Chinese symbols. One guy had "At the end of the day this is an ugly boy" in Chinese on his arm for years before being told what it said.
5) Get something erasable - while a dragon over the whole of your back might be very artistic, it's also going to take a long time and a lot of money to laser it off if you change your mind.


And remember, we all change our minds.

As Ross from 'Friends' puts it - "Having a bad tattoo would be like having a bad haircut for the rest of your life".